


Will Graham suicide notes

by Natsbeehoneylemon



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: F/M, Hannibal Lecter Loves Will Graham, Idiots in Love, M/M, Someone Help Will Graham
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:21:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27119482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natsbeehoneylemon/pseuds/Natsbeehoneylemon
Summary: My name is Will graham, it's 7 PM and I'm in Baltimore, Maryland.I know how to gauge who i am, but i don't know why this all happened to me.I started to think, that i'm not sure i know you anymore, Dr. Lecter.
Relationships: Alana Bloom/Hannibal Lecter, Alana Bloom/Will Graham, Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	1. Where it all begins

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfict and side story about will graham and his lost trace of memories with Hannibal. I imagined about the romance that developed between them that not written in the script of Hannibal TV series. 
> 
> I'm not an English native speaker so i beg your pardon if you witnessed lots of grammatical errors and typos.
> 
> Lastly, please enjoy!

The sight of flooding blood was the first thing i remember, dead bodies lies alongside the path i walked by, not so sure why I'm in this situation but, i know that this was just my imagination.

Someone pat my shoulder and i gasped, that someone is none other than the guy who brought me into this mess. Jack Crawford, FBI special agent. 

Well at least I'm awake now, and again at the well cleaned crime scene that so much different from my imagination. 

"I'm counting on you" is the line I've always heard from everyone, and i really started to get sick of it.  
I don't blame everyone to rely on me that much, i know cause you can't help but to use it when u find a magic mirror of wisdom. 

That magic mirror is my curse.

But, i think I've found a way to lift my curse when jack introduced me to an infamous psychiatrist, Dr. Lecter. 

I hate All psychiatrist in the first place. They'll go and try to rip my brains into parts, displayed it to their colleagues while sipping glass of wine and discuss about it. But with Dr. Lecter, i feel the opposite way. 

Just like finding an apple tree grows in the dessert, it's so red and tempting. I can't help but to taste it. 

Little did i know that it was poisonous. 

...

The story start from when i was assigned to solve the Minnesota shrike cases. There, i met Dr. Hannibal lecter who straight forwardly try to psycho analyze me.  
Of coure i get hell pissed off, I've built a force of my own. Yet deep down, i felt a tingling sensation of desire. That i want to be seen, i want to be acknowledged, and i want to be understood.

That's when i decided to see him again.

...

My name is Will graham, it's 7PM and I'm in Baltimore, Maryland. I'm currently sitting across this man whom i just met 2 days ago, Dr. Hannibal lecter who happens to be my unofficial psychiatrist that work under FBI. And here we just sit in the silence, staring at each other. It's just odd that both of us comes to this point like a complete stranger bond by fate.  
Yet i felt like we don't even need a verbal communication to understand each other. 

That silence don't last long enough to make things awkward, it's just the right amount to know each other by impression alone. Dr. Lecter then started to talk and ask what psychiatrist always do, i think he just wanted to be professional. And of course I'll be cooperative .

The session i do with him go on and on, as the case I've assigned with grow bigger and heavier. 

FBI office almost like a second home for me, i rarely go back home to wolf trap, Virginia because of investigation. Thankfully Dr. Lecter is kind enough to go there and feed my dogs in stead of me.  
The feeling of having someone i can rely to is just soo wholesome yet worrisome. It's just that, if I've tasted the sweet flavor of honey, i can't bare to feel the aftertaste of bee stung.  
Because I've been there, too often.

But right now actually doesn't really matter, my mind is already fucked up by all these murders business i have to solve. And i let myself drowned. 

...

I let myself drowned, that's my only explanation i have currently.  
I can't gauge who i am anymore, all those blood and dead bodies, it felt like my doing. That's why i drove myself and end up on front of his door again. 

"will, come in".

His voice is the only things keep my sanity, i feel like i lost myself no more when he's here. Even if we just sit across each other and talk, i felt like he's done a great amount of lifting my curse. He usually startled me by smelled my body fragrance and checked my temperature, but now that i get used to it. I started to addicted by body warmth. His strong presence makes me feel alive. 

He started to stroke the back of my hair then stared while grinning. I can't never tell what's inside his head when he do that, but i started to think that what he said 'I'm a fine Chinese little teacup', means so much more that that. He pushed me onto the pillar and I'm really confused what is he trying to do, turns out he just...stared. 

"are you doing a silent treatment right now Dr. Lecter?".

He just smiled and then let go of me, like i was some sort of painting he wants to observe and then done with by looking closer. 

He said, "I'm trying to figure you out". But i really don't understand his methods so i asked to make fun of him "by staring to the back of my skull and 'undress me'? How odd".

Again, he smirked. "i was thinking about more direct methods to be honest, literally". 

And again, another words that came out from his mouth which i can't get.

...

Today, i lost myself again to the time. My memories are leaving me in the darkness of wolftrap street, virginia. Running out of aspirin, i bring myself to a substitute for it. Again in the early morning, I'm at Dr. Lecter door. 

The fragrance of his homemade coffee is what to die for, and his kindness to a patient is over the professional interest. He said i am his friend, I don't know if it's normal to befriend your psychiatrist but i think I'm ok with that. It felt nice to be honest.

He advised me to quit being Jack Crawford subordinate out of nowhere, he said that, this is all bad for me. Well he's so right about it.  
I can't help but to continue because jack Crawford is my friend, and i saved lives. Yet all he care about, is my life not others. That time i feel so weird, i never received so much affection from another person. I don't know if it's just his professional way of being a good psychiatrist but i felt really happy, because i know that he said that words genuinely. 

I just sat there in his kitchen while sipping the coffee he made, and as usual he just... Stare. Again that tingling i felt last time, intensifies the more times I'm with him.  
I don't get what happened when all we do is just, being there for each other.  
Not knowing is scary, but i have a feeling if i do know it. It'll became scarier.


	2. Where it started to blur

About what i said that I'll regret if i do know it, i was never wrong about it. 

I feel hurt, i feel wounded, and i feel betrayed. My decision to trust him was my biggest mistake.

I lost the loved one of my life, Abigail. I lost my best friend Jack Crawford.  
I lost him. 

But i don't know to whom my heart mourned for. All i know is the painful stung of the bee is really unbearable.

...

My mind palace is building, I've came across that image swarming in the dark and flies so often. Wendigo, is what i called it. The image of my resentment towards him. That image is so strong, that it started to grow inside me. 

I imagined, killing. The hype by just thinking of it makes me shivers. With every breath i take, my head start to think of 30 different methods to kill him. And he accepted it with his usual grin when he stared at me. It felt so real that i can hear his heartbeat started to race, as intense as an sexual intercourse. 

"hello will". Was the first thing he said to me behind a jail bars. 

"Hello, Dr. Lecter"

...

Another day in the jail passed by, he keeps visiting me and asked how i felt every single days. Even though he's the one who fucked me up so bad that i end up in jail, the audacity of seeing me everyday and tell me that I'm still his friend is just so ...him.  
I can't even be mad about it anymore, but when i do tell him that we're a million years away from friendship. He seems a bit down. 

At that time, i think I've figured out how to influenced him. And i was right, i can overpowered him and bring justice just like Jack Crawford wanted. I'll bring the devil itself to the surface.  
But to survive him, i must adapt and became his ally. I'll endure it for sure. 

...

I learned so much after i try to kill him and got discharged from the BSCHI. His methods of influence is not coercion, it is persuasion. At least that's what his Psychiatrist Dr. Bedelia Du Maurier told me. 

She said that don't fool yourself into thinking that you're in control of all of this when it cames to Hannibal. Of course i know what she talking about but we are so desperate in catching this man. We have no other choice.

Being alongside Hannibal is suffocating, yet another side of me somehow became fulfilled with this.. Glory. Spending time and talking with him is my method to figure him out, but it is also like i started to figure out the truth about myself. And I'm afraid of it. 

He started to became more open to me, even he talk about his personal matters sometimes. Of course i listened to him. He showed everything he thought would interest me and the more I'm with him. It became clears that he's desperately want Me, that's the point when my faith became unsteady. 

He approached me a lot more closer than before, leave as much as everything of him into me , like a dog marking his area. His touch became intense and i got startled, he saw through me and he backed up. Like he is genuinely afraid if I'll ever felt uncomfortable and then leave. But if I'm honest enough to tell him, I felt a bit dissapointed when he's holding back for me like that.

...

Jack Crawford called again. He's ready to strike the devil which I'm so surprised by. His last word on the phone was just "when the time comes, i hope you know what you have to do". And then he left me hanging.

I not even sure if i know what i have to do anymore at this point. As the police cars sirens getting closer to my house, i grabbed my phone and gun then run outside. I don't know what i must do but the first things that came to my mind just to call him. 

Then, i hear his voice.  
And i decided.

...

I'm again in front of his door where fate lead me everytime. Finding Alana Bloom lies there, severely injured is what I've expected. Everything must be according to his plans... But then i see Abigail still alive standing in front of me. I don't know what i felt anymore. 

I just know that i need to ask if he's already getting away. Turns out, he's still there. When i see him, i started to feel a terrible ache in my chest. And then he started to speak, worsened the pain. "we couldn't leave without you". 

That feeling, is soo much uglier than when i killed a person. I don't know how to describe it, but not long after that. He stab me in the stomach. He hugged me so hard like we shared the pain evenly. His desperate hands rub the back of my hair like he used to do, caressing me like I'm a fragile little teacup. The blood keep flowing from my chest as he ripped it smile shaped.   
I felt the pain but I'm not sure whether it's from the wound or from something else. All i know is that he already let go of me and leave me on the floor dying with Abigail.

I think this is it, this is the end.

...

I haven't decided when i called him. I just dial his number, i haven't decided when the phone rang. I decided when i hear his voice. 

I thought last time was my end, but it's not. He decided to let me live.  
My only question is, why? 

I've think of most possible and rational explanation but when it comes to Hannibal lecter, there isn't any explanation.

Thats why I'm here at Pallermo, looking for him. I know he is close by, but he didn't let me to see yet. All i need to say for now is just, i forgive him. 

Then, i searched parts of him from his past. Hoping to understand him better than now, before i set eyes on him again.  
My journey was exhausting, but i get to know even the tiniest detail about that man called Hannibal Lecter. Along the way to find him, i also find myself and pieces of memories i lost when I'm under his 'care'. 

That memories is what surprises me the most. I remember the wildest things we do when he drugged me, he touched me all over and so does i to him, what's more is that i enjoyed it so much, that's terrifies me. I woke up and want him so bad that i need someone to distract me from it. That's when i kissed chiyoh and she pushed me off a running train afterward.

I'm still not sure if that was my memories, that's why i really need to see him. I walked my way to him, keeping aside the pain from falling off of a train. 

...

The painting of La Primavera, Boticelli and the man sitting in front of it seems.. Lonely. That's why, i go and sat beside him. 

I finally see you, hannibal. 

He then stared back at me while smiling, inspecting my whole being while saying his usual deep unknown meaning words.

"if i saw you everyday will, i will remember this day". 

Is that all you'd say to the man whom fucked you up and get fucked up by you? But that time i already know that it's his way of showing his feelings. I just laughed a bit, then he synchronize with it. 

Him and i have began to blur, my past.. My future, his... It's all just... Blurry image. We're conjoined.

I'm not sure where do i go from this point on, but he just go for it and "shall we?" , like, he knows me best. And when i have nothing to hold on, he's always there reaching out to me. And of course I'm in no position to resist.

...

The devil temptation is irresistible, but I'm still on the side of the angels. That's when i decided to drop my forgiveness for him. And again, I'm the one who lost. 

Bullet pierce through my shoulder, he got me again in his hands in such cunning ways. He always do. 

He treated me with so much care that it started to hurt, not the wound but something deeper in my chest. I don't feel the slightest bit of anger towards him, i just feel like, surrendering.

Even when he tried to rip my skull apart and eat my brains, i just feel like accepting it.

All i know is that it finally ends here.


	3. Where it started to becomes clear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning!!! 
> 
> There's a mature content and M/M physical relationship from this chapter on so back off if you're underage or queer phobia.

Death just won't do me justice, I'm still alive.  
This time, i blame god instead of the devil. There's nothing much worse than going out from a lion cages just to end up in crocodiles den. 

Right now, I'm at muskrat farm ready to be cooked and eaten by the beast.

Hannibal handle this situation very well, while I just accepted my fate and go along with it. Even when my skin about to be ripped apart from my face, i accepted it.  
But then i realized, my life and whole being does belonged to him. 

I felt like i won't die if he's not allowed me to. 

Hannibal took me away from the death, become the death itself when I'm stil paralyzed. That's the first time i saw the devil raging inside of him while he's killing all of the people there. I don't know what triggers it but i think he's just really pissed off with that sick peoples. 

He carried me around while trying to escape, that's when i think i saw alana, Margot and Mason together. They discussed something but i can't really hear, then alana and margot left us. 

Hannibal started to do sort of despicable things to mason.  
The after incident of that what's shocked me the most, when parts of my memories return again... and I'm sure that hannibal has done the same thing to me...  
And now i forced to stare him doing it again to other person. 

This is so fucked up. 

After he finished, he carried me again and we left that place. The last thing i remember was the cold snowy night in contrast of his body warmth carrying my whole being. 

...

I see the memories in my dream. The time when I'm not aware of any of this. He drugged me really bad that i started to feel out of control. 

I just sat across him like i usually do, so does he. But i remembered the heat i felt rushing through my veins. 

Then i snapped out and approached him like crazy. 

I remember his shocked face when i sat on his lap, trying to make love to him. Not long, he just hug me and push his lips onto mine, that time i clearly remember i accepted his lips happily.

The heat inside me raises up as our kiss intensifies. His tongue start to explore the upside of my mouth and i swear it felt really good until i moaned a little. Again he stopped, shocked with my honest reaction.  
He said "you're so fucking adorable when you're honest will" then continue to kiss me the same way he did. His kisses felt really good yet so desperate he won't let go, i started to hyperventilated and tried to push him away. He realized that and slowly rips his tongue off of mine. He's breathing as heavy as i am, that time i thought that he was so silly to not aware that he also run out of breath because of kissing me. 

I'm not sure what face I'm making but i remember laugh a little at him. Then he started to kiss me again suddenly, but this time he go slow and nicely.  
I can feel my heart beating so fast as he unbuttoned my shirt, i know me at that time expecting something more than just a kiss.  
Hannibal then going down a bit from kissing my lips to my neck. He leaves marks all over me like lovers do. That time i felt so turned on and i also know he must've too. 

As he kisses my neck, i started to unbuckle his pants and tried to unzip the rest. He noticed and said "you're so naughty will, what's to be done about that?". I just stare back at him like a dumb, not able to say a word because I'm high as hell. 

Then before i figured out what we do afterwards,  
I woke up.

...

I woke up seeing the usual sight of my white ceiling and the smell of dogs. The dream I've seen felt like reality and the massacre at the muskrat farm the day before felt like a dream. 

Before i fully regained consciousness, i see him entering my door so casually. He then sit beside my bed in complete silence.

All i can do is give him the same silent treatment. Not long I've decided that I'm so tired and so done about all of this. So i tell him everything he needs to hear.

"I'm not gonna miss you, I'm not going find you, I'm not going to look for you, I don't want to think about you anymore, goodbye... Hannibal".  
From his expression, i know that it hurts straight to his feelings. Little did he know that I'm also feel wounded by my own words. He just being silent for a while, then he go through my door. This is where he should leave me, that's what i think the best for both of us... 

There's too much things going on between us that we can't reset, all that left is regret. 

I regret to have 'eaten' the honey in the first place and allowed myself to be drown. I regret my decision to take Jack Crawford hands and be part of any of this. I regret everything i do that leads me to feel... This certain way towards him.  
I wish our fate have never crossed ways.  
Now i saw you walk out my doors going alone on your way, i even felt regret for that. 

...

But you always know how to got me. You know me too well that, i can't get away from you.  
You surrender to Jack Crawford in front of me, like it's a theatre presented especially for me. 

"i want you to know where exactly you can find me, when you need me". You said as Jack Crawford and FBI folks bring you away from my sight. 

The look of your face that night, stayed in my mind for 3 years. 

...

It's been three years since that, the wound already healed but the scars stayed, Just like Hannibal lecter in my life.  
Now i have my own family that i need to protect. I Don't require to do anything else or feel obligated of anything besides to take care of what i have for now. 

"but well, is there any point? Will" as he said from across of his cell.  
Yes, here i am again where fate brought me to him with Jack Crawford as the bridge.

"of course it is, i like my life there" i said to him while leaving. I know he sensed my doubt in those words i just said and he know so well how to stir that doubt up. 

"will, when life becames maddeningly polite. Think about me.. Think about me will, don't worry about me". 

That only words of him is enough to make me want to stay, i genuinely want to stay with him, but i know that i can't. So much regret, i just can't.  
I sighed while holding my hands out, hoping that body language is enough to make him understand. 

"you only do this when i reject you, so i would know where to find you anytime i needed to. You're right. Goodbye".  
That's the only things crossed my mind, i feel like i need to say mean words to him so he'll stop. 

But i can't hurt him anymore than this I don't know why. With that's words as my closure, i go.


	4. Where it near by it's end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning!!! 
> 
> There's a mature content and M/M physical relationship from this chapter on so back off if you're underage or queer phobia.

I left Hannibal there, but I'm not sure if he's not leaving with me through that door. I feel like I'm being, folllowed. Even until now, i still see him lurking in my shadows. 

That's what i said to Bedelia, Hannibal psychiatrist.  
She just listened to me like two victim sharing their wounds. I came to her because I'm still 'looking for Hannibal', despite I've already gave my farewell to him. 

"it's excites him to know that you're marked in his certain way" as she said, adds to my confusion.  
My only question is "why?".

"why would you think?".

I've never think about anything other than I'm just a black sheep to his own benefits. Like companion to tag along with, such as "blue beard wife's".

Bedelia sneer offendedly, "hah... If I'm to be blue beards wives. I'll preferred to be the last".  
At this point, my conjecture becomes clear. All this time I've been avoided that option because of my own judgement. That no way, psychopath like Hannibal lecter being able to feel love.  
"is Hannibal... In love with me?". Actually i don't even need to ask that question because deep down and long time ago, I've already knew. 

"could he daily, feel a stab of hunger for you, and find nourishment in the very sight of you. yes".  
"but, do you.. Ache for him?". She said. 

I... 

I Don't...

I Don't know. 

...

Her questions stayed in my mind and that's actually the question I've been saving to ask me long ago. Still I don't know the answer even now. I don't even know if I'm capable of loving anyone. All this time with alana or margot, it just all to help my mentality became stable nor to help other people. Even for abigail, it's a feeling of obligation mostly. I've never really felt any form of love for anyone. Yet why did he, choose to love me who clearly, incapable of loving him back? 

"will, hannibal agreed to our plan temporarily and to make it not temporary. You have to ask him, and he wanted you to say, please". Said alana who just walked inside the room. 

"I'll say pretty please".

Now i know that he have feelings for me, it'll be easier to manipulate him into this. For now I'll think of what can i do for the sides of the angels first. Because, i don't know what else i Cloud do... 

...

"the things you said earlier when i last saw you, what was it again, will?" said the man tied up behind his cell. 

"you'll only surrender if i rejected you, so i can always know where to find you when i needed you".

"yeah that, i believe that's what they called a 'mic drop', yet you're here again to pick the mic up".

That's is, the typical Hannibal lecter talking back to me. I'm not annoyed by that anymore though. I know even though you like to tease me, you love me and you can't resist me. Just like i can't resist you the same way. 

"i need you Hannibal, please" as i said to him in the most seducing way i could do. 

He's smirking, hah  
i gotcha.

...

Time passes by, plan to fake Hannibal Lecter escape and kill him later with the Great red dragon started to roll. I sat across a caged man that stare into the back of my bones like usual, now i know that behind his stare, there's an tantamount of flirtation and desires lies within.  
Again, when i think of him that way, i start to feel an odd tingling sensation in my chest. But it'll be better if i avoid eye contacts with him so i tried so hard not to look. 

Crash! 

The police car in front of us crashed, and the plans was a total failure because the great red dragon intervene. Leave the beast freed from his cage and freely breath the outside world. 

I can just watch, and again do nothing besides following the path that beast opened for me. 

"you're worry to much will, going my way?"

Then again, i was swallowed by the beast charm. 

...

We arrived in a secluded area near the sea, the house looks pretty nice and comfy, so does the environment surrounding it. I just stand there beside him when he starts to tell that he and a few people have already been there, "now I'm here with you". The line that i always feel like saying to him everytime I'm with him. 

He just smiled, then he asked me to come inside. That moment i decided to forget about everythings and just, be what i am in that situation. I tried to be as honest as possible with him. 

...

I sat in the corner of the bed, waiting for him to come.  
I really need this talk about everything he never tells me directly, i need to confirm it.  
I know that I think I'm incapable of love, but the me from my memories when i was drugged. Felt like he's in love so hard. I still don't believe if it's really me or it's just another imagination of other person I accidentally feel empath with, like i thought it was Alana because alana do have an affair with Hannibal before.  
Now that i think about it again, I'm really pissed off somehow. 

Wait, why was i pissed of again? Is it because alana or... 

"what do you thinking about, will?" said the man who just walked out from the bathroom half naked. 

I just stared at him quietly and then answered "you, hannibal".

Hannibal seems startled, and that expression of him is what i saw in my dream...

"are we going to use first name basis again or that's a intended provocation, will?".  
Again, hannibal asked me his complicated words to make him seems all clever and mysterious.

"shut up and get here, i need to talk to you". 

"...ok but may i get dressed first?".

"...you may not". 

I said that without thinking twice, I'm afraid i stirred up something inside him. 

He approached me and lean onto my face while saying, "what kind of talk does not require me to get dressed?"

"...body language".

I really want to shut that bitchy mouth so i kiss him immediately. But when i check how is he reacting to that, surprisingly he's leaning frozen against me. His face seems so shocked. 

"... Why are you frozen? You don't want this?". Ask me to him, worried.

"n.. No..nothing like that i.. I just.. didn't expect this from you, will. Did you drink while I was showering?".

That's the first time i heard him stutter, he's so lame. 

"maybe I'm drunk, but not of wine. I'm drunk of all of this, i just want to know what my heart desired to do without my logic interfere, i remember when you kissed me last time.. it does felt good, i need to confr-". 

Gasp

He grabbed the back of my neck and push his lips onto mine before i finished my sentence. His kisses is so hastily and desperate, just like i remembered. But it's heavenly good so i accepted it happily. He then started to explore my mouth with his tongue, again he hit the upper side of my mouth where it felt good. I moaned without shame because i know he heard it before. He then lean closer to me while trying to move my body to the center of the bed. We were still kissing and there's no sign he'll ever want to let it go. 

His kisses stopped and he let me breathe for a while, he also run out of breath. "hha..never learn from experience do you?". I mock him to piss him of a little, but unexpectedly he just smirking and became turned on more with my mockery.  
He then kisses me again with a slower pace. So soft and calming, yet I'm so aroused by that.  
His hands started to explore my body, try to undress me. To help him, i tried getting my pants off because he's currently wears towel only and there's no need for me to help him undress. 

He then let go of our kisses and said, "last time you tried to take off pants, you passed out, leave me out cold with a raging boner". 

"what? Really?"  
i can't stop laughing, that's why I don't remember anything from then on. 

"yeah you are, you cunning boy, now don't you dare to pass out on me while were in the middle of this". 

"well it's depends, if u do it with boring methods i might just fallen asleep", again with my unconscious mockery, i heated up the tension between us.

I surrendered all of me to him, i let him have his way. His cold palms touches my bare skin everywhere while he kisses me continuously. I wrapped my hands around his neck to make it easier for him, "ah" i startled when he start to explore my lower half and i automatically backed up a little. He stopped kissing me and said "you don't have to hide anything from me, even the tiniest bit of yourself. Because when it comes to you, I'll always find it beautiful". 

I felt incredibly relived when he said that, he really knows how to read my mind and encourage me in every way possible. 

"i find our future so uncertain and i do feel scared, but right now, you're the most certain things and i feel like i giving all of me to you". Answer me while hugging him tighter. 

"yes, that's all you need to think about, will". He said as he continues to touch me. 

He slowly touch my lower half, then he grabbed his own and rub it to mine. I can't hold back my moans anymore, and i can also read in his face that he almost at his limits. This time, I'm the one who tried to kiss him to reduce my noise. He happily welcomes my lips and kisses me in a slow pace. The heat intensifies when he kissed and touched it at the same time, I'm near my limit. 

Just when I'm about to burst, he stopped. I really pissed of and sulk when he do that, he then kiss my ears and whispers, "am i allowed to do more than this? I promise I'll make you feel good".

I snapped out of my mind when he said that and strangle him by the neck, "are you messing around with me?! I told you to do it, and whatever you intended to do, make it quick, I'm at my limit". 

He smirked while my hands still strangle his neck, then he grabs my hands and kissed it while saying "sorry to make you wait, baby". 

His cheesiness is unbelievable, but i do entertained by that. He grabbed something in his drawer beside the bed, he said that he need to prepare me first. Little did i know that I'm the 'receiving' role in this.  
Of course i yelled and resisted, but seeing him so down when i reject him.. Made me feel really bad. 

"...okay, I said i won't back up from this in the start. I'll keep my word". 

He seems so happy when i said it, and when he started to do his 'preparation' on me. He handles me with so much care, i can feel my body melting in his arms. At some point, his touch became unbearably amazing and i started to cry. He then kiss my eyes and start saying that words repeatedly. 

"i love you, will... I love you so much".

Then he stopped his fingers and put his things instead. He goes really slow and careful, conjoined our bodies in the most beautiful way he could.  
He then held me close as he going deeper, shocked me with indescribable sensation that droves me insane. He knows from my reaction only, that i felt really good and he's hitting the right spot.  
He continues to move,.. back and forth. Slowly but speeding up in the right pace. I moaned so loud until my voice became a little hoarse. He kisses me to stop my uncontrollable moans so that my throat didn't hurt. I can hear his heart beating as fast as mine, he continuously said he loves me as he make love to me. 

He goes faster and faster. From that point on, i don't really remember what happened, it start to felt unbearably good that i can't think straight anymore.  
All i know is I'm there for him and he's there for me, our togetherness is what makes me feel so much delight.

...

When i opened my eyes, all i see is a man lies down beside me with a closed eyes. The moonlight that shines through the window behind me makes his face look even clearer, it is Hannibal that i see. The man who said he loves me so much, we've just make love to each other this evening and forgetting about the danger lurking in the shadow of The great red dragon. 

I sighed a bit when i think about what happened to me all this time, that lead me to this moment. 

"regretting your decision, hm?". Said the man in front of me that turns out to be awake. 

"why don't u stop pretending to be sleep earlier idiot". I said as i tried to get up, but he pulled me to him. Make our face close enough to kiss.  
He then asked me, "do you love me, will?". 

"...I'm not certain of that myself".  
And that's the truth, even now that i had sex with him. i still don't know.

"what can i do to make u certain? To make you mine?". 

I know he said that desperately, afraid that i might change my mind again and leave him.  
"if we can... Survive this, I'll promise I'll be yours forever. Just so you know I'll always keeps my promise". 

"then i promise to ensure you that we will survive, I never break my promises too". He said, then he kiss me again as if we signed pact and sealed it. This is ironically romantic for me.  
Deep down i know that, I've fallen in love with him already.

...

The Death has come to us, i know that as i see Hannibal lies in the floor with bleeding stomach. The bullet pierce through the window and strikes to his body.  
The great red dragon then walked in from the darkness of the night. Ask me to stay still while watching Hannibal lives slip off his body. 

I just stood still while sipping my wine, i look at him in pain while he continues to buy time with the great red dragon. My mind is blank, i refuse to consider any thoughts that my heart nor my brains told me. I just.. Stare. 

Then his eyes glimpse at me and our gaze meet. Suddenly i became so sure of what i need to do. I love him.  
I slowly pulled out the gun from my pocket but the great red dragon noticed that. He then stabbed me in the face and throw me out the window. 

I can feel the pain of the knives he used to stab me in the face, then i pulled it out and started to fight back. Hannibal came and attacked the dragon while I'm trying to stab him. We dance under the moonlight and pool of blood, conquer the greatness of The dragon. The act was so intimate when we do it together. 

"you're right, it does look black under the moonlight".

Wounded severely, i tried to stand on my feet. Of course hannibal hands will be there to support me. Standing so close to him, i find a clarity.  
I know that i can't live without him anymore. 

"see, this is all i ever wanted for you... For both of us". 

And I know when he said that, he realized that he also can't live without me anymore. 

"it's beautiful". I said to him as i held him so close, he held me back desperately. We feel each other presence, and that's alone is enough. 

It's enough.

I pulled him down the cliff with me and let both of us fall into the sea.

I said "I'm all yours" as we fell, then we both kiss on our way to death.

**Author's Note:**

> #SavehannibalS4


End file.
